Dr Mari Kovanen Coaching

How to feel confident Enough To start dating

Confidence is an important topic to look at when you start to date.

Whilst reading this you maybe are a confident, smart, successful, professional women who is crashing all her career goals except one where you don’t have that special person in your life. You are wanting to meet that someone special to have in your life.

Dating and finding love and feeling good about yourself when you are dating.

When dating it is important to understand about feeling confident and how it affects you. I remember in my 20’s I had a couple of long-term relationships but in my last relationship I did not feel it had a future, he was nice enough, but it did not have longevity.

With that I started dating again, exploring what was out there and yes it was nerve wracking putting myself out there. You are really hoping someone will like you and I remember at that time I was reading lots of dating forums and seeing lots of conversations, men would talk about women and their appearances. I would go out hoping to meet someone who would like me as a person and felt like appearance was a huge part of it.

Externally I do not struggle with confidence but internally I do. I tried to be the person who I thought would be attractive to a man and reflecting back on it there was less of that consideration of who I am and who I wanted to meet.

Questions to yourself

What are the questions we ask to our self when dating? One of the first and most basic questions we find ourselves asking is “Am I good enough for someone?”, “Will someone find me attractive enough?”, “Will they like my personality?”.

Maybe you are putting off dating, saying to yourself “If I lose x amount of weight things will be better”. or “I’m too busy with work”.

You can lose yourself in thought even as a strong independent woman. This resonated with me in the past where I felt quite vulnerable. Even if you feel you have lots of things going for you, lots of good qualities you still feel quite exposed.

Be good to yourself

This requires real courage. You might have done as I did in the past trying to be someone’s alter ego, the single girl about town. On the outside looking confident with a good appearance, making a lot of effort that people did not see my imperfections, so I did not really accept myself.

If you go out there and try to be someone you are not. Someone you think men will be attracted to, you are then doing a disservice to yourself and neglecting yourself.

You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who does not know you, how can you keep the act up of this person you are not, it becomes like being in a prison.

By trying to be someone different or trying not to show any weaknesses you end up attracting not the right kind of person.

You need to feel good about yourself as the by product is that you meet someone who is attracted to you because you feel so good about yourself.

It is important to understand what the dialogue is in your head, what you tell yourself about who you are and what is attractive about yourself.

When you dig you may find negative thoughts such as when you were rejected in the past and how it made you fell less about yourself.

Remember we are all equal and worthy in having love in our lives and it is not dependant on what you do, it is a right as a human being.

You need to feel as good about you as you can be, not try to be somebody else, you need to understand your limiting beliefs. Do you hear someone’s voice?, remember someone saying something about you at school?, left over thoughts going round your head when you were last dating?.

How you speak to yourself is critical.

Maybe part of you is trying to hide things that you do not accept about yourself. Then what happens in these situations is that you are likely to attract a person who does not appreciate these parts about you also.

The more you get to know about yourself the more you appreciate those parts that feel difficult, and you go out there as you, not trying to be someone else, if you go out in own shoes instead of someone else then the person who really like those qualities about you, that you accept about yourself, they will like them also. But if you don’t like those things about yourself, you are more likely to attract someone who does not like those qualities of you either and end up in the wrong relationship.

If you find peace in yourself, you will find peace in your environment and that is such an important part of a relationship rather than being in an awful place where you cannot be who you are and truly relax.

Final Thoughts

If you are thinking about whether to start dating, or got a date coming up or have started dating then how do you really recognise if you are holding yourself back with conversations in your head?. Figure out your limiting beliefs that are stopping you finding love as you are. Use mediation to ground yourself, tell yourself how good you are, maybe start a journal to see how you speak to yourself or speak to yourself in kind way with affirmations.

Ask yourself how I would speak to my best friend and use the same language to yourself, really appreciating yourself

Believe you are good enough to be dating, it will change your experience totally, if they do not see your uniqueness then keep looking you will find someone else, there are 7 billion out there so keep going.

After your date If you start a relationship then good! if not hopefully you will have had an interesting conversation with someone, learnt something about yourself, the other person and the world.

If you would like to feel more confident, more grounded within yourself to help you with your dating then get in touch for a FREE 20 min consultation where we will look at your dating strategy and confidence.

Finally, we are here on this planet and all deserve to find love if we really want it and there is someone out there for us all.

If you would like to know more, please book a free connection call and we can talk about your love strategy.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *