Dr Mari Kovanen Coaching

7 Signs that fear of rejection is stopping your from finding love


We are wired to bond with others. Dating puts us in a very vulnerable position. We have to open our heart, connect with another person, judge if this person could be a match or not, and hope that we do not get hurt in the process. 


You are looking for love and looking for a serious relationship but it feels like you are going in circles and feel disappointed in dating and your relationships. 


Fear of rejection is a very core human experience. Our ancestors’ survival depended on social connection and today we still want to belong. You want to form a deep, loving connection with a special person. If it is not working out for you, here are 7 signs that fear of rejection is keeping you stuck in a cycle of rejecting love when it could be coming your way. 


  • “I have no time for dating”

Have you started dating or are you a busy woman with a busy schedule? Deep down you would like to find someone special but…you just don’t have the time or energy to put into dating? What is the feeling you get when you think about starting to date?

Perhaps you get this icky gut feeling. Instead you find other things to keep you busy. At least you know your job, you are confident in your abilities and you can keep your vulnerabilities covered. 

To find love you need to prioritize it. Do you want to see your next 10 years going in the same direction?


  • “There are no good men out there!” – The dates keep disappearing 

Perhaps you are actively dating but your dates never progress or you end up in a confusing and messy situation. You always end up feeling disappointed with your dates. How do you choose the person to go on a date with? 

Are you choosing emotionally unavailable men? 

Are you quickly jumping into liking a person and realise that you did not spend time getting to know them?


  • Finishing a relationship when it starts to get serious

You start dating and it feels promising. You become exclusive and see each other regularly. On paper everything should be great, but you start to question whether his habit of wearing certain shoes or there has been the first disagreement. You get cold feet! You tell yourself that there must be something wrong with your partner and decide to end it. You say that he’s just not the right person. 

Is this a pattern for you? Are you leaving when it starts to get serious?

Perhaps you have a fantasy of a relationship perfect with little effort or needing to work on it. 


  • Difficulty to set boundaries with dates

You find it difficult to express if you are not happy with something. For example, you go on a date and the guy eyes up other women and talks about being with other women. Although this makes you feel uncomfortable, you do not say anything because you want to be liked. Perhaps you often swallow your discomfort and do not set boundaries even when people hurt you. You just want to be liked and worry that if you are not with this person then…who is going to be there left…Perhaps there is a part of you that knows that it is not true…but still you keep quiet.    


  • Dating and choosing to be in relationships with people who you end up mothering

Fear of rejection can also be in the background when you are choosing to date someone who you end up mothering. Perhaps he earns significantly less and he is not contributing to the household in other ways either. He may be more into you than you are to him and he feels “safe”. You may see it as your duty to buy everything; Plan every outing and holidays. He just turns up when you have made everything ready. It irritates you but you say to yourself that “all men are just like this”…


This can feel utterly frustrating to be with this “man-child”. Perhaps you would like to be with a man who shows up in the relationship and is equal with you, but this requires a mindset shift for you.


  • Difficulty of letting people know you

When you meet someone, do you often keep the conversation to very superficial topics? Perhaps you talk about work and friends, but you never or rarely talk about anything personal. Perhaps it is difficult for you to trust other people. Fear of rejection is usually in the back of your mind whether consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps you end up in relationships with people who ask you to open up and then feel frustrated when you can’t. Alternatively, you may meet another person who is quite distant and both of you end up avoiding difficult conversations. Over time, although you never argue, but you just drift apart. 


  • Very detailed and specific list of requirements for a potential date

You have written a long list of requirements for your potential partner. You never seem to meet anyone who meets this criteria. You feel that there just aren’t enough good men around. It is not that you should lower your standards or settle for someone who is not a good fit. However, if fear of rejection is driving the pickiness, there is not a perfect enough guy out there because by default for just being a human being, they will have “faults”. We all do. 


I hope you found this blog useful for you to think about if fear of rejection is ruining your love life. If you want help with working through your dating mindset blocks and getting ready to receive love, please get in touch and we can talk more about how you could turn your love life around. Contact to discuss your love strategy to date purposefully and find that equal, high-quality man to build a beautiful relationship with. 

Would you like more tips to attract your equal, loving partner. Get my 7 Expert Strategies To Attract An Equal High-Quality Man Without Wasting More Time here

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